Silencing the Undesired Input
I was reading a non-horse related article geared towards coaches the other day, and it made me think back to many off-the -cusp remarks I have heard (and experienced first hand) over about "toughing it out" with "hard, difficult, belittling" coaches.
For people of certain eras, decades, and generations, there was a deeply ingrained mindset, to prove you had "what it takes" to be successful at something, you had to put up with (without complaint) whatever disrespectful, degrading comments, commentary, and criticism the holier-than-though coaches threw at you. While I won't dive into the human psychology of the far too many toxic coach/student relationships, or why people pay others to mentally and verbally abuse them (far too prevalent in the horse world), I did want to touch on the "what it takes" mindset.
Learning horse skills to replace the chaos
Not to burst anyone's bubble- but here's what I have found in the idealistic versus reality of the everyday horse lover:
Most equine enthusiasts are never going to be high level competitors.
If they do compete, it is usually for working towards a goal and the comradery, not trying to "move up" in the horse world to become a professional.
Most of the people who are awed and inspired by the big, dramatic, romanticized liberty acts, are never going to do such things with their horse. The same goes for the infamous scenes of galloping down the beach in some remote location with no bridle.
Instead, many horse lovers are pleased when their horse is easy to catch, and doesn't scare or overwhelm them during everyday scenarios.
Whether they enjoy interactions from the ground or in the saddle, the real fulfillment stems from spending calm, quality time with their horse.
Outside influences, unasked for comments, imposed judgment, and ill-spited critics- whether from friends, boarders, coaches, family, etc., can negatively influence one's horse time resulting from "just" a discouraging session to the outright long-term avoidance of horse interactions all together (in extreme cases) for fear of what others will say or do...
The lack of understanding how the horse communicates, thinks, and functions is the number one contributor to self-doubt and mis/lack/late aids to help and work with the equine. This leaves the human mentally distracted, emotionally triggered, and the horse without support. The result is a slow (or fast) building of distrust, anticipation, and defensiveness in both the human and horse.
As these cracks in communication continue to widen, the horse's increasingly resistant, avoidant, or unwanted behaviors begin to increase. This tends to trigger a vicious cycle of uncomfortable interactions magnified with the ongoing unhelpful input of others...
To help you focus on "what" may be missing in the relationship with your horse, below are six questions to ask yourself and honestly answer.
Do you:
- Create a safe space for the horse to learn in?
- Address his mental, spatial, and physical triggers?
- Reawaken or engage his curiosity when learning?
- Help him learn the skills to think through scenarios?
- Offer him time to search and try (without fear being a motivator)?
- Give him "new" human interactions that build his trust rather than tolerance?
Recognize that if you don't have clear answers to the previous questions, imagine what your horse is experiencing. Awareness in your potential lack of clarity is good information- it can give you a direction as to where to start to develop the skills to set the horse up for success and achieve those "uneventful" but fulfilling horse experiences while strengthening your horse's trust.
