The New Year: Horse Learning without Guilt- New Beginnings

I'm very aware that this time of year can stir up a particular kind of mental static. It’s the inner critic, tallying up the "not yets" and the "I should haves" with your horse.

Let's name it: Horse Guilt. It’s that feeling that you didn't do enough, "fix" enough, ride enough, or progress enough.

Guilt is not a motivator; it is a paralyzer.

It stems from an outdated story—one that measures in productivity, timelines, or checked boxes. That story is incompatible with the mindful partnership we work to cultivate with our horses.

Your horse lives in the present. They do not keep track of missed days. They only know the quality of your presence, energy, and communication in the moment. When we drag the weight of yesterday's guilt into the arena or pasture, we are distracted by the inner rhetoric.

So, if you are experiencing that tug of guilt, self-doubt, or a vicious cycle of degrading dialogue, here are some simple ways to reframe your perspective:

1.  Acknowledge the Judgment. Awareness is key to interrupting self-sabotaging patterns.  Naming it gives you a starting point to address it. The response is a symptom- so "where" does it come from?

Outside influences such as horse friends, trainers, social media, etc., often create subliminal filtering in how we frame an experience. For many folks, the deeply ingrained "not enough" highlights society's fixation on hurried performance rather than an emphasis on building a foundation based on quality segments.

2.  Ask a Relevant Question. Instead of "Why didn't I do more?" ask: "What did I learn, even in the pauses?"

Perhaps you learned about your own mental fatigue, triggers, distractions, or patterns. Having a fundamental understanding allows for an Opportunity to shift your perspective and recognize how to work "within" your parameters in the moment (which will constantly change). This interrupts the cycle of crossing the invisible mental stamina line, which deteriorates your effectiveness when working with the horse.

3.  Redirect the (your) Energy. The emotional energy spent on guilt can be redirected into a positive "effort." I can't, what if, it won't can be reframed into the opposites- a Positive Alternative- (yes, the same as I teach that offers the horse to redirect his thought and behavior,) I could do x, y, z, how about if I try, we can experiment...

As we head into the New Year, we are not making resolutions rooted in lack ("I failed to..."). We are learning the skill of intention (yes, it is a LEARNED skill) rooted in awareness.

What are some qualities that could increase the effectiveness of your horse skills?  Often people will answer with Patience, Confidence, or Curiosity...

Experiment with investigating what the counter to "I don't have enough Patience" is. What triggers your LACK of patience- (usually I find a combination of misunderstanding the horse, self-imposed time urgencies, outside interference/opinions from others, etc.)

"I want more Confidence..." often stems from a combination of a lack of understanding of the root cause of why a horse is doing something, mental anticipation in the human about "what happened last time" or the "what if he..." stories, stirred up by the physical tension triggered by the person's mental state, creating tight, heavy, braced, late communication- leaving the person in a reactive- or "late"- state of interacting.

When we replace Critique with Curiosity, we start becoming available to Learn. The mind begins to "see" versus anticipate, leading to relevant questions rather than assumptions... The more we ask, the more we are motivated to search, and can "peel back the layers" that we may have blindly accepted, followed, or even structured our horse perceptions on (which are frequently based on human emotion rather than the reality of what the horse is communicating).

Your horsemanship journey is not a linear sprint. It is not the often-promised, romanticized horse experience. Learning to give yourself and your horse time to revisit the foundation of your philosophy or approach, and assess if it serves you. Evolving perspectives come from the refinement of understanding. Experiences become your reference points- what you "do" with them is up to you...  

Recognizing the value in quieting your mental noise is the gift of learning to hear (and believe) your intuition and the horse's communication. That is where long-term change grows from.

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