Making Peace in your Equine Partnership

To try and stay "current" with the latest trends, I am part of different online groups, so that I can keep up with the latest "chatter" and better understand when troubled horses and clients come to me, what they've been exposed to and why their thinking is as it is.

Discussions range from rolkur, to drugging, to masking lameness and neurological issues, to the latest gadgets and equipment, to pure basic ego-based instruction to good intention-ed bad advice that can get uneducated horse owners hurt.

And then there is the arguing, the name-calling, the demeaning insults that follow when folks disagree with one another. All for the sake of a sport that is predominantly filled with amateur riders who are supposed to be riding for fun.

I can't tell you how many consults I have had with folks seeking "permission" to say "no" to others they interact with within their current horse scenarios.

My perspective is the more you make decisions you feel good about- mentally and emotionally- the more confident in yourself you'll be. This creates better communication and support towards your horse leading to a quality partnership.

But if the rider is experiencing a roller coaster of emotions and turmoil fueled by those they are surrounded by, they unintentionally carry the chaotic energy with them, which will create a total trickle-down effect on their horse.

The unsuspecting horse has no clue as to society, its pressures, judgments, or the latest trends.

So I encourage you to evaluate those with who you are surrounding yourself with as coaches, riding friends, fellow boarders, riding group members, etc. Think about if your "community" offers you predominantly positive support or continual critique?

I know it can be hard to walk away from folks that maybe you've ridden with for years. But I can tell you as someone that has had this conversation hundreds of times, you need to do what is best for YOU and your HORSE. If you are left in defense mode, questioning yourself, trying to please or not offend others, you will not be making the best decisions you can for the partnership between you and your horse.

I know it is hard. I know originally our priorities or goals when we first get involved with horses may be different than what they are present day. It is okay to make changes in your values the more experiences you have with the horse and in the horse world. Your journey should feel like you are evolving and growing.

Change is good. But change is hard. It requires awareness, intention, and effort. And honestly, it can make you feel like you are alienating those around you as you seek to change.

Remember, folks showing discomfort or critique towards you changing your way of doing things with your horse, is due to their insecurities and issues, it has nothing to do with the actions that involve only you and your horse.

So perhaps consider taking a few moments to step back, and ask yourself this one simple question:

Why at this time in your life are you riding?

Whatever your answer(s) may be, you might want to do some self-assessment about looking at recent decisions and activities you've been making for you and your horse.

Notice if the folks you are surrounded by support or add to your interactions with your horse?

Are they positive influences in helping you achieve the reasons you ride?

Do you ever feel stressed when thinking about a riding scenario because of the people you will encounter?

Keep it simple. Do what is right for you and your horse. As they say, what is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing in the same way, expecting different results.

And as a final thought, though folks may struggle in breaking away from trends and modern "training" techniques, those who take a risk and try a new way of treating themselves and their horse(s) with an honest, simple, positive, proactive conversation, find the reward and fulfillment in the most simple of scenarios.