Horse Time- Sharing Space vs Emotionally Dumping

For a lot of equine enthusiasts, their time with the horse helps to balance out other aspects of their lives. I was having an interesting discussion with a Remote Horse Coaching student and thought I'd delve in on some on the topic here.

For decades, I have been "preaching" that most horses are not mentally present or emotionally calm enough to handle the human's emotional chaos. That is why so often you see the mirroring effect in the equine's behavior (though most people don't connect how their thoughts and emotions are influencing/reflected in the equine's behavior).

So the question posed to me was this: "Can I be with my horse when I'm struggling, without it having a negative effect on him?"

My answer is yes, as long as you can create clear BOUNDARIES for yourself, while in the presence of the horse. This answer catches most people off guard, because folks are often fixated on delegating to the horse dos and don'ts, without considering or having awareness (or accountability) for their own behaviors.

So what does this Boundary thing mean?

If you know you're having a rough or emotionally challenging time, consider the following BEFORE you're with the horse:

Where is a "safe" place you can be with the horse, without creating his need for specific guidance from you?

How can you enjoy being in close proximity to the horse without physically imposing on him?

Can you create a "bubble" to contain your energy and emotions, in a manner that allows the horse to choose to come over (or leave) and participate, on his terms?

Can you give yourself a small, attainable "to-do" list while near the horse, without imposing on him? Such as focusing on box breathing, checking in if all 10 toes are connected flat in your boot to the ground, noticing where your eyes focus or fixate?

Can you be near the horse and without staring him down- pick specific things to observe- birds nearby, sounds, how the weather feels, the rock or soil pattern?

I find a lot of folks could win Olympic medals for the mental gymnastics of self-judgment and critique. They rationally "know" what they're not "supposed" to do, but get stuck in a vicious cycle of tunnel vision.

The reality is, just as with the horse, breaking the overwhelming moments into small, segmented pieces allows for a reset- mentally, emotionally, and physically. Even if it is only a temporary reprieve, it can help drain the proverbial emotional glass from spilling over.

As you begin to experiment with some of the above-suggested thoughts and considerations, start to check in with the horse's response to your changes in behavior. Most people are surprised in the animal's responses, without the person guiding or directing him.

I get a lot of folks who grew up dreaming about horses and are finally able to "live the dream" later in life, wanting to be near them, hug, smell, fuss, and touch them, but for many equines, this does not have the same value to the animal as it does to the person.

Especially in your time of chaos, the kindest thing you can often do for yourself and the horse is to bask in his presence without imposing spatially or physically. The more you give the horse the choice, the more you'll see him choose to be near- on his terms- in a manner that can be fulfilling for you both, while remaining considerate of the other.

This then gives one better perspective that they can achieve the reprieve they needed, without unintentionally causing future issues in how their equine perceives and responds to human interaction.