One Step at a Time
It is very easy to be overwhelmed by everything that "isn't" or is challenging, frustrating, and exhausting with the horse.
Unrealistic expectations, hopefulness and continuously comparing ourselves or our horses to what "everyone else" is/can do, is detrimental to the Quality of our interactions and leads to less than ideal scenarios.
I wish more folks gave themselves permission to literally and figuratively focus on one step at a time. Start from a place of empathy towards yourself and your horse, even if you don't understand why things are happening as they are.
Allow yourself time to slow down to notice and value the nuances during your interactions as these will help you understand where to "start" to influence changes in the partnership.
Find a support system whether in person or through distance coaching of likeminded individuals who will not add stress to your situation.
Believe the horse. If he is showing fear, worry, concern, or stress, take the time to let go of past assumptions or expectations and break down the interaction to learn how to recognize triggers creating unwanted behaviors. Then learning how to communicate in a manner that doesn't make your horse defensive.
Take all "feedback" from the horse with an emotionally neutral stance. Whether or not you agree, his communication is honest. There's no ulterior motive, mind game, stubborn, ornery, or other human-associated emotion in him. His physical behavior reflects his mental and emotional state.
The neurotic, dramatic, and dangerous behaviors are pleas for help. They will not disappear if you try to quash them. Instead, they'll reappear in other forms if the root cause(s) were never addressed.
View every step, moment, and interaction as separate from the next to keep track, address, and follow-through in the Conversation with the horse.
One step will connect to the next, gradually evolving into a journey of respectful communication based on trust, with an equine partner willing to try.
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Sam