It is very easy to become overwhelmed by everything that "isn't" or is challenging, frustrating, and exhausting with the horse.
Unrealistic expectations, hopefulness and continuously comparing ourselves or our horses to what "everyone else" is/can do, is detrimental to the Quality of our interactions and leads to less-than-ideal scenarios.
I wish more folks gave themselves permission to literally and figuratively focus on being present and addressing themselves and their horse in small segments. Each segment of Clarity in Communication can connect to the next, which influences how the "final" piece of accomplishment is experienced by the horse.
Start in a place of offering empathy towards yourself and your horse; you are both searching and learning, things don't often happen as easily as shown in the training video or when the experienced professional asks something of the horse.
Allow yourself time to slow down to observe. Value experimenting during your interactions, as these will help you understand where to "start" to influence changes in the equine partnership.
Find a support system, whether in person or through distance coaching, of like-minded individuals who will not constantly question, berate, or add stress to your situation for you not hurrying, making, or forcing the horse into compliance.
Believe the horse. If he is displaying fear, worry, concern, or defensiveness, take time to let go of your assumptions or expectations, and refine breaking down what, how, and why you are communicating something during the interaction, to learn how to recognize triggers creating unwanted behaviors. Then experiment with communicating in a manner that doesn't make your horse defensive.
During your own "searching" to improve yourself, notice the shift in your horse mentally, emotionally, and physically as he reflects your availability at the moment, rather than you bringing unintentional aggressive demands and criticism to every interaction.
Accept the "feedback" from the horse with an emotionally neutral stance and view it as more information to help recognize how you are affecting his thoughts, emotions, and movement.
Whether or not you agree, his communication is honest. There's no ulterior motive, mind game, stubbornness, ornery, or other human-associated emotion in him. His physical behavior reflects his mental and emotional state.
The neurotic, dramatic, and dangerous behaviors are pleas from the horse for help. His previously subtle reflections of fear, concern and defensiveness were often overlooked, shut down, or addressed with more pressure as they were still "reasonable" enough for the human to try to "contain." By handling them in that manner, they only evolve into far more dangerous behaviors. They will not disappear if you try to quash them to get back to your original agenda. Instead, they'll reappear in other forms if the root cause(s) were never addressed.
View every step, moment, and interaction as separate from the next to not mentally get ahead of where you are physically (literally) with the horse. Staying present is an Opportunity to keep track, address, and follow through in the Conversation with the horse to offer real-time support that has value to him and addresses his feedback.
Gradually the interactions will become a journey of self-awareness, personal growth, emotional calm, adaptability, maintaining mental presence, and retaining availability to consider the horse, as you offer respectful communication building trust, try, willingness, and reasonableness in the equine.