The day my horsemanship changed- Lightness vs Softness



Lightness versus softness... I still remember the day that my sense of "accomplishment" with a particularly troubled horse became completely shattered, and it changed my world and horsemanship skills for the better.
This horse had already forced me to get as creative as possible, become open minded, refine my sensitivity, adapt how and what I was presenting, and we were making progress from his initially over the top, amazing, out-of-control athleticism he would display when he was having a problem.
I had sought out help of a long respected cowboy whose words unfortunately never did match his physical abilities with horses, and so I came to him to watch and learn.
His eyes lit up when he saw this bothered horse, not out of a challenge, but out of the opportunity to help a very bothered equine. I had tried to offer as much honesty in my interpretation as to what I had presented to the horse, how I had done so, etc. But my words fell on deaf ears, because the horse was already telling him the real story that mattered, what the horse needed in that moment, irrelevant of my efforts.
What he saw, as he gently took a hold of the lead rope just using his thumb and index finger, was something I couldn't see at the time. My horse had been standing totally still, "quiet." The lead rope had been dangling and the horse had his focus on us. As the horseman stood in a relaxed pasture, and began closing his remaining fingers around the rope, with his hand just under the horse's jaw, the horse's head shot straight up in the air and he went flying backwards as if he had been "hit" by something.
I was totally shocked. There was no pull, directing, or "asking" of anything by the cowboy. Instead all he had done was created a slight feel, or pressure, on the rope and the horse had given a pretty loud and clear response as to how he felt about pressure.
So for all the light circles the horse could make around me all the while keeping slack in the rope, for as "with me" as he was when he was loose seeming to follow willingly, when I presented things with a direct physical pressure- he'd learned how to brace his entire body- WHILE- keeping slack in the rope, but he was never mentally or physically soft.
This lack of softness would become apparent when I would ask more of him, which would trigger the brace that would quickly lead to an explosion- because really, it had been in there the whole time. There had been defensiveness in his brain and rigidity in his body, even though most of the time he wasn't ever physically pulling on the rope or the rein.
One of the biggest challenges I have nowadays is teaching people how to decipher the difference between an obediently but defensive "light" feeling horse and a truly mentally and physically soft one.

Softness vs Lightness in the Horse

Thought for the day... goals are good, they give people somewhere to direct their own focus. BUT without having the quality tools to accomplish or work towards the goal with a softness rather than lightness, even if your horse accomplishes the task, does he feel better for the experience?

Softness versus lightness.

Have you ever considered there is a difference?

What does it mean to you?

What do you feel you have with your horse?




Preparing for Spring Riding Season


Looking ahead to the upcoming riding season, whether you ride for pleasure or are a competitor, you can strive to offer a supportive partnership towards your horse. I will touch on two concepts that you can start considering, without even having to battle the outdoor winter conditions!

The first is addressing your mental focus. Often we think of riding as an escape from the everyday challenges and stresses of life.  The horse on the other hand can immediately recognize if the person is not mentally present, if they are distracted, stressed, tired, etc. 

I suggest folks learn how to mentally “leave reality at the door” when they are heading out to ride. My perspective is that the ride begins when someone thinks about going for the ride. Mentally separating other aspects of life from the time spent with the horse allows a rider to offer the same level of consideration, conversation and focus they are asking from their horse. 

When mentally present, a person can communicate proactively with their horse, rather than only offering input or critique after the horse has made an undesired movement. When people are distracted, they tend to only notice the big and dramatic moments, rather than the subtle ones when the horse is initially asking for guidance or support. If the human suddenly tries to intervene during peak stress or fear in the horse, it can cause defensiveness towards the rider’s aids.

Intentional guidance from the rider (which should not be presented as a dictatorship to the horse), what I call “riding in real time,” increases the clarity and timing towards what the horse is about to offer. This also decreases the critical, after-the-fact interaction that occurs between many humans and horses.

A rider’s constant critique is a leading contributor to creating defensive horses. By taking the initiative and offering specific intention, the horse can be clear on what will be asked of him. This can build his confidence and increases his willingness to try, because the rider will be offering respectful and specific communication.

Addressing your own mental presence leads to my next topic: riding goals, intentions and the horse’s thought. As they say, “hindsight is 20/20.” Take a few minutes and think about the last one or two riding seasons.  What were some challenges that arose between you and your horse and have they been addressed?

For a lot of folks the traditional “wet saddle blankets” approach is used as a way for horses to learn and improve.  I find that solely focusing on the horse’s physical movement leads to a continuous “containment” from the rider trying to keep the horse physically compliant. Instead, I prioritize getting the horse’s thought with me first, which then influences his physical movement.

When you think of past experiences with your horse, do you start with “I didn’t want him to…” or “I wish he would not always...” or “I hope we can…”? Those three sentence starters I frequently hear from riders who are having difficulty achieving goals with their horse. Often people fixate on what they do not want their horse to do, rather than how they can change their approach and help their horse arrive at a different outcome. 

Imagine someone was a nervous, inexperienced driver and there were bad road conditions.  If before they drove their car you told them “Don’t crash,” would that decrease their chance of getting into an accident? Probably not. In fact it might even add stress while they were driving and perhaps increase their anxiety.

What if the next time they drive their car, you are a passenger and you say things like, “Don’t go so fast… you slowed too much… stop sooner… why did you change lanes?” Would your words relax, build confidence or reassure the already insecure driver? Did you teach them anything? Have you helped improve their driving ability? Has your presence made driving a better experience for them, inspiring them to invite you along in the future? No, it has not. Instead, you have made them feel worse due to your approach in how you interacted with them, even if your intentions were good.
Unintentionally many people create that same experience for their horse. The person wonders why they are not achieving the results in their horse’s performance. If the rider continues offering delayed, critical, task-fixated focus irrelevant of the quality, they are not supporting their horse. 

In terms of goals with your own horse, before presenting the back country trail ride, the jump, roping the steer or working on your 20 meter Dressage circle, mentally think through what and how you will need to communicate the small pieces that will contribute to achieving the overall goal. Often through specific, incremental communication from the rider presenting “pieces” of the goal, the horse can better understand the specificity of the movement and build confidence. Below is an example. 
Let us say you ask your horse to change his energy at the walk, and he ignores you, leaks out with his shoulder, clamps his jaw down on the bit, or stays stuck at one speed. What will happen when you ask him to move faster? Whatever you are feeling at the slower gait will magnify at the faster energy level. 

If you ignore his initial feedback of resistant and defensive behavior, and attempt to be more specific, such as trying to improve your flying lead changes, roll backs, or finding the ideal spot to the jump, is your horse currently mentally available to hear you? Will his response be to softly address a physical change you ask of him? No.  Presenting the long term goal when you are missing the foundation pieces is setting the horse up to fail and be critiqued.

So take some time on those cold, dark days and perhaps jot down your equine related goals, and what incremental pieces you’ll need to address with your horse to help you both achieve them with quality.


Proactive Riding

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End the cycle of containing spooky horses

Containment:  physically trying to "stop" an unwanted behavior, which is usually the symptom and not the underlying "issue."

How many times have you heard things like:

Block the horse's _____________....

Don't let him ______________...

Make him ____________...

When a person attempts to block, hold, or "drive" a horse they are addressing the horse's physical movement.

His movement comes from a thought, such as:

The scenario is creating stress or pressure so he protects himself with run/bolt/spook...
The movement he is being asked he cannot properly do due to physical resistance, so he counteroffers a different movement (leaking with the shoulder, tossing his head, avoiding the big, locking up his hocks, etc.)
The more the person focuses on the unwanted movement, the more they actually are making the scenario deteriorate and feel unable to get a change in their horse.

Let's change our approach and start by addressing the horse's brain. This means we have to change from expectation (even negative ones such as "he always...") and demands in our horse and adjust our focus in how we are presenting scenarios.

Start by changing the initial thoughts in your head. Each time you come to a negative or hopeful comment, exchange the critique to a positive opportunity, such as below:

Unhelpful, critical, and hopeful thoughts

"I hope my horse doesn't spook at the corner. It wrecks the whole ride that follows." This defensive riding sets the horse up to fail and just about guarantees the unwanted movement is going to happen, creating fear in humans and horses.

Positive, supportive horsemanship

"Several times my horse has spooked at the corner. Before I get to the corner, I need to check in with my horse's brain, emotions, and movement. Can I redirect his thought today, or does he seem fixated on each distracting thing happening at the barn? I tried to redirect his brain, but he offered to lean on my rein. Okay, let's pause and ask him to soften to the pressure of the rein. Now he is softer, I'm able to direct where he is looking, but his steps are anticipative and hurried. So now let's work on a few thoughts and then move to somewhere specific and then pause (could be mental and/or physically) and ask his brain to check-in. When his brain checks in, his body offers to slow, he offers to be more present, less anticipative. Now I'm going to have him look towards the direction of pressure (scary corner,) and then look away. Ooops, his feedback with his body was that he wants to look away/move away, so I can't bring him into the vicinity of the scary place yet. I'll help him look and then the moment he shows an interest, I'll draw his thought away from the scary, as the release from the pressure. Oh, now he can look for a longer period without tension rising in his body, let's take a step towards it (pressure on), and now while he's still interested in the corner, let's change the thought and look away (release pressure)... Ah good, he breathed, blew his nose, etc... Let's go do something else for a minute and then we'll come back to this place that feels good now, and gently expand the comfort zone closer towards the scary corner.

You get the idea. There is nothing reactive in how I'd help the horse. Each piece is an opportunity for feedback from the horse, which then "tells" me what aspect I need to address to help him sort through his bother.

This is also NOT repetitiously asking the horse to walk back and forth "desensitizing him" to the corner- that is ALL physical and not mental conversation and leaves the horse just as bothered.

Keep in mind we may or may not make it to the corner today. But the corner isn't the issue. The horse's confidence, mental availability, and feel supported by the rider is. The more he has those three pieces, the more scary corners, horse eating tarps, claustrophobic trailers aren't problems anymore.

The conversation between the human and horse should be consistent and clear with the horse coming away less, stressed, and more confident about the experience.

Could you and your horse benefit from a Remote Coaching session with Sam? Click HERE for details

Connection with our Horse






There is always a special moment, with each horse as our journey progresses, that he will finally allow himself to "hear" me, and then to trust me. For some the experience takes a lot of sorting out of emotions, trial and error, and searching... for other horses you can immediately "feel" their desire to want to meet you on the "other side" of the partnership. Whichever case it may be, there is this fragile, beautiful moment, when the horse will literally look at you with an entirely different expression. The eyes go soft. The breathing slows. The tension and defensiveness leave the body. The steps get light and quiet. And you can "hear" the horse. Everything about the ears, eyes, jaw, muzzle, throat, top-line, stifle, hocks and tail becomes "putty," just waiting for you to "mold" it... He willingly offers his trust that "it" will be okay if he follows your lead. It never gets "old" to be a part of that journey, to see the change, and experience the togetherness... I'm so thankful to the horses, and their owners, who both trust me to guide them to that mentally, emotionally and physically quiet place.